Well, to get a complete picture of this affair saga you need to meet all of the characters....
Mrs. Personality
At the time of the affair I was a 33 year old stay at home Mom. I had given up my job as a benefit manager after 15+ years with the same company. The last 3 years with the company, I literally worked to keep our family afloat as my husband fluttered around trying to find the occupation that made him happy. One of the owners of the company I was with was terribly unfair to me and treated me like crap, but I just kept on going because my kids and my family's well being came first. Thankfully most of the people I worked with and the other owner treated me well. I was really struggling to gain my footing in a very new situation. I had a very young baby and a toddler at home and 2 older kids in elementary and middle school. I had always worked so the situation was very new to me. I was also struggling with hormonal balance issues. My OB was working to get me evened out after a terrible bout of PPD. Our marriage had been going through waves of struggle followed by good times for years. I had always felt my husband never really felt my feelings were of much importance. After many years of being with a spouse who was never wrong and never accepted any blame of any marital problems, I had become a pretty angry, depressed person.
Mr. Personality
At the time of the affair he was working at a new company, back in our home state after a year working off shore. It should have been a great new beginning, instead it was the beginning of the worst thing that ever happened to our marriage. Mr. P is the youngest of 8 children and his siblings have always treated him as the special baby who could do no wrong. It did not matter that he was over 40 he had it ingrained in his personality that anything that he did was above reproach. I have battled this throughout my whole marriage. It had become so much a part of life that I had pretty much programmed myself to ignore it. He fought dirty. Anytime we had discussion he turned it from something to grow from to something to hurt me as much as possible. It is always said that women always remember all the slights in a relationship, well in our case he was the one who brought up everything that had EVER upset him about me every time we had an argument. I cannot tell you how many times I would walk away with the thought of "what the heck just happened?" During the affair he took his anger towards me to a frightening level. The hate that I could see in his eyes when he spoke to me actually frightened me. The lowest part of our marriage was when he was weeping one night while he was screwing around with his slut and said to me "do you know how long it has been since I've been happy?" We had been discussing what we could do to help our marriage and he wanted me to know he placed the blame squarely on my shoulders that he wasn't happy. He had turned a blind eye to his many ( so many I can't even begin to list them) blessings that all he could see was this imaginary happiness the affair would bring.
The slut
I can't say that I really know anything about this woman. I thought I knew her to a certain extent before the affair, but the affair proved I knew nothing about her. I couldn't begin to tell you what would turn her into the "other woman." I do know that she was in her late 20's with a husband and 2 children. I just know that she had to be damaged somehow, otherwise how do you have an affair?
Friday, February 7, 2014
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
Let's get started.
Good Evening! I promised that I would start digging ditches, so here we go. I hope reliving the life I have had the past three years post Dday will help someone get past their own Dday. So lets get started from the beginning.
My name is Jules and I have been married to Mr. Personality for almost 15 years now. I just survived the 3rd anniversary of the day I found an email account of my husband's year long ( give or take a month or two) affair. I call it Dday 2 because at this point I had already outed his affair, but of course he was still lying like wayward spouses seem to have a talent for in my experience. We have 5 gorgeous children. During the affair we had 4, SB is our bonus post affair baby.
Now to give a quick overview of the affair....hold on it's a bumpy ride. My husband was your typical wayward spouse looking back. He had turned every marital problem into my fault in both his mind and my head as well. When you are told something over and over you believe it after a while, even when you know in your heart it is not true. My husband was so screwed up and into his affair fog that he had me believing half the manure he was selling. Looking back, I don't even recognize myself, I was so beaten down and bruised. My husband had convinced himself that he was unhappy beyond help in our marriage and it was all my fault. I was a terrible wife, and I just didn't care about him or understand him. ( sounding familiar to anyone yet?) Yes, if you look up midlife crisis affair, my husband's picture is right there on the page. He changed everything about himself for his 16 year his junior whore, Jennifer.
He changed his interests, but it wasn't from growth and maturity, it was to get into her pants. He started showing interest in things he had NEVER cared about before, and of course when I would ask he would have the same old answer. He had ALWAYS liked XYZ, but had changed since he had married me because I NEVER supported his interests and was just a meanie all around. Insert picture in your mind of an almost 50 year old sticking out his tongue like a 5 year old kid.
The biggest indicator of the affair? His absence in our lives both mentally and physically. He just disappeared that year, it's hard to explain unless you have been there. I know that many, many of you have walked this path or are just starting to walk it. I look back on that year and there are very obvious signs that I missed, that now with my hyper-senses I would pick up on in a heartbeat. One of the hundreds of emails that stands out even after 3 years is the one where he says I am turning the kids against him. She lapped it up like a kitten with cream, but it simply wasn't true. I was not the evil woman that made he children hate their Dad. I was the woman that lied to her kids so they wouldn't realize Dad was putting someone else before them. A woman that had no business in their parent's marriage.
It has been 3 years and some days I think to myself, "wow I have come so far!" Then there are other days that everything seems like it happened yesterday and I am still struggling for air. I do not look in the mirror and compare myself to Jennifer everyday. She no longer holds that kind of power over me. I should have never let her have any power over me. I know that now, but I can tell you beyond any doubt it will take you years to realize that the other woman IS JUST NOT WORTH the hurt. She is obviously damaged beyond comprehension. A married woman (or man) that will enter into a relationship with another married person is not mentally healthy. Do I blame just the other woman for the affair? Nope. I blame my husband 1st and foremost. I can take some blame for marital issues, but I will NEVER take any blame for the affair. I did not cause it NOR did I deserve it. The entire affair and it's aftermath falls squarely on the shoulders of Mr. Personality and Jennifer. When a betrayed spouse gets to that point in their recovery...you are on the right track.
So everyday (or as often as a Mom of 5 can possibly handle) I will blog how I have survived every day from the beginning. I will be going in order as much as possible, but if something strikes me that day as helpful to a "newbie." I will make that my blog topic. I welcome all input, suggestions, or questions. Please feel free to comment or email me personally. I know that putting yourself out there on a blog can be hard, so I have no problem having personal conversations with you. I have had many conversations with followers of this blog who prefer to be anonymous. I understand. This is a very personal, private topic. My personal email is on my profile, please feel free to use it. If I do not answer within a day, comment here. Gmail has totally been screwing up and sending personal email to my spam folder. If you let me know, I'll go looking for your email.
Love to all,
Jules
My name is Jules and I have been married to Mr. Personality for almost 15 years now. I just survived the 3rd anniversary of the day I found an email account of my husband's year long ( give or take a month or two) affair. I call it Dday 2 because at this point I had already outed his affair, but of course he was still lying like wayward spouses seem to have a talent for in my experience. We have 5 gorgeous children. During the affair we had 4, SB is our bonus post affair baby.
Now to give a quick overview of the affair....hold on it's a bumpy ride. My husband was your typical wayward spouse looking back. He had turned every marital problem into my fault in both his mind and my head as well. When you are told something over and over you believe it after a while, even when you know in your heart it is not true. My husband was so screwed up and into his affair fog that he had me believing half the manure he was selling. Looking back, I don't even recognize myself, I was so beaten down and bruised. My husband had convinced himself that he was unhappy beyond help in our marriage and it was all my fault. I was a terrible wife, and I just didn't care about him or understand him. ( sounding familiar to anyone yet?) Yes, if you look up midlife crisis affair, my husband's picture is right there on the page. He changed everything about himself for his 16 year his junior whore, Jennifer.
He changed his interests, but it wasn't from growth and maturity, it was to get into her pants. He started showing interest in things he had NEVER cared about before, and of course when I would ask he would have the same old answer. He had ALWAYS liked XYZ, but had changed since he had married me because I NEVER supported his interests and was just a meanie all around. Insert picture in your mind of an almost 50 year old sticking out his tongue like a 5 year old kid.
The biggest indicator of the affair? His absence in our lives both mentally and physically. He just disappeared that year, it's hard to explain unless you have been there. I know that many, many of you have walked this path or are just starting to walk it. I look back on that year and there are very obvious signs that I missed, that now with my hyper-senses I would pick up on in a heartbeat. One of the hundreds of emails that stands out even after 3 years is the one where he says I am turning the kids against him. She lapped it up like a kitten with cream, but it simply wasn't true. I was not the evil woman that made he children hate their Dad. I was the woman that lied to her kids so they wouldn't realize Dad was putting someone else before them. A woman that had no business in their parent's marriage.
It has been 3 years and some days I think to myself, "wow I have come so far!" Then there are other days that everything seems like it happened yesterday and I am still struggling for air. I do not look in the mirror and compare myself to Jennifer everyday. She no longer holds that kind of power over me. I should have never let her have any power over me. I know that now, but I can tell you beyond any doubt it will take you years to realize that the other woman IS JUST NOT WORTH the hurt. She is obviously damaged beyond comprehension. A married woman (or man) that will enter into a relationship with another married person is not mentally healthy. Do I blame just the other woman for the affair? Nope. I blame my husband 1st and foremost. I can take some blame for marital issues, but I will NEVER take any blame for the affair. I did not cause it NOR did I deserve it. The entire affair and it's aftermath falls squarely on the shoulders of Mr. Personality and Jennifer. When a betrayed spouse gets to that point in their recovery...you are on the right track.
So everyday (or as often as a Mom of 5 can possibly handle) I will blog how I have survived every day from the beginning. I will be going in order as much as possible, but if something strikes me that day as helpful to a "newbie." I will make that my blog topic. I welcome all input, suggestions, or questions. Please feel free to comment or email me personally. I know that putting yourself out there on a blog can be hard, so I have no problem having personal conversations with you. I have had many conversations with followers of this blog who prefer to be anonymous. I understand. This is a very personal, private topic. My personal email is on my profile, please feel free to use it. If I do not answer within a day, comment here. Gmail has totally been screwing up and sending personal email to my spam folder. If you let me know, I'll go looking for your email.
Love to all,
Jules
Monday, September 30, 2013
It's time to dig ditches!
I have fought the Lord for weeks. He is pushing me, hard. I have been asked by my pastor to consider blogging full time again. Actually blogging my daily struggle of forgiveness and moving on post affair. The turning point was a sermon on crazy faith. Faith that the Lord will bring you through "it" no matter what the world says will happen. I realized, I have that faith and it is what saw me through my own personal hell. I am not a professional counsellor, but I've lived it and learned from it. I've prayed to God that those who need to read my words will find me. Starting tomorrow, I'm digging those ditches and knowing that the Lord will send the rain to fill them. I want to share my story and hope that I can touch lives, even just one.So join in tomorrow, I'll start from the beginning and pray for "rain"
Love,
Jules
Love,
Jules
Thursday, May 23, 2013
My New Love is Here
Much has happened in the last months. I promise I will start posting again soon. I try to post when I am in a good place in hopes that my place can give others hope in their journey.
First my newest addition SJ was born April 29, 2013 at 12:15P.M. She was 9lbs, 8 oz and 20 inches. She is doing wonderfully and after a hospitalization for a heart issue I am doing well.
Please say a prayer for my community. One Monday my new home town was hit by an F5 tornado. The loss of life and property is beyond belief. The only thing I know to do for these wonderful people is cover them in prayer. I watched the tornado from my backyard and the terror I felt while I knew I was safe made me frantic. I CANNOT imagine what the people in the storm's path felt, especially those innocent angel babies.
God Bless,
Jules
First my newest addition SJ was born April 29, 2013 at 12:15P.M. She was 9lbs, 8 oz and 20 inches. She is doing wonderfully and after a hospitalization for a heart issue I am doing well.
Please say a prayer for my community. One Monday my new home town was hit by an F5 tornado. The loss of life and property is beyond belief. The only thing I know to do for these wonderful people is cover them in prayer. I watched the tornado from my backyard and the terror I felt while I knew I was safe made me frantic. I CANNOT imagine what the people in the storm's path felt, especially those innocent angel babies.
God Bless,
Jules
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Well, isn't that Interesting
Hang on folks, the first post of the new year is a dozy. Let me just start by saying that my marriage is still a work in progress, some days I'm still not sure I can survive and move past his affair. I have so many emotions that swing from forgiveness and the absolute knowledge I can move past the affair, and then they swing to I can never get over this, the pain inflicted is just too great.
Last April I saw my OB/GYN for a large cyst on my right ovary that was found on a CT scan for my chronic pancreatitis. Before I could get an appointment after the CT finding the cyst had ruptured taking my ovary with it. The ultrasound showed that my left ovary was also in my doctor's words "a mess." Further bloodwork showed that my hormones indicated that my egg count was zero. I was officially out of the baby business. Even if I wanted to go through IVF there was less than 1% chance that egg retrieval would be possible. I was great with this! My doctor acted like he was delivering bad news, but I didn't feel that way at all. I had 4 kids, they were healthy and I was thrilled with my completed family. Besides, I was not in a place in my marriage that I felt I could trust my husband enough to want to have another child.
Now here is where the story gets interesting, fast-forward to August and September when I skipped my period for no apparent reason. In August I didn't worry at all, I only have one ovary, so having a cycle every other month is perfectly normal. Then came the end of September, I started feeling awful, much like I feel sometimes with pancreatitis, just "different." You guessed it, my period never came in September either. I started getting the sinking feeling I was screwed. I was either dying of some horrible malady that I didn't know I had, or I was pregnant...crap! Welp, I'm not dying....at least not soon. Yep, as of today I am entering my 3rd trimester.
Those of you who know my story know that I had a miscarriage in the middle of my husband's affair. I had a miscarriage of a child that my husband did not want because he no longer wanted me or our children. He had found a younger, more exciting model that was his soul mate. Someone that lived in his fantasy world with him, the world of no kids, no mortgages, no stress, life was perfect in their world. This pregnancy has brought all the horrible feelings of that time back in crystal clear clarity. When I finally took that pregnancy test, it was like I was in the Summer of 2010 all over again. I never realized after 2 years and all the work I have done on myself that I could crash right back to that horrible time in an instant.
I started to feel exactly the same darkness and despair all over again, it was terrible. I should have started right then blogging again, getting it out there, talking it out. Instead, I buried myself deep in despair just like the weeks after DDay. It took me 4 months to admit to anyone except my husband that I was pregnant. I was deeply in denial, trying to protect myself. This baby didn't even seem like a real possibility until I saw her on ultrasound at 20 weeks. My husband has tried to understand my feelings, he got excited a lot quicker than I allowed myself. I was honest with him, and told him that pregnancy was probably the worst trigger of all when it came to his affair. I lived through hell that year, pure hell, and in the middle an innocent child died that I was carrying in my body. People do not always die in an affair literally, but someone died in his affair. I lost much more than my marriage, I lost a child. There is an angel baby that should have been celebrating her 2nd birthday on January 11th in my arms.
So here I am, 28 weeks pregnant, and starting over in some ways getting over his affair. I am much more vocal this time around about what my needs are, yet I'm pretty sure he just doesn't get it. I have never betrayed our vows, he can never understand. To him it is just something bad he did, that he has moved on from in his life. Some days I'm still not sure he is remorseful of the horrible things he put me through, or if the remorse is just that I caught him and nailed his ass to the wall. Some days are good and some days are bad, the bad ones are almost as bad as DDay 1,2, or 3. The interesting thing (if you can call it that) is I got pregnant almost to the day of the 1st anniversary of DDay 3. I'm trying to see it as God giving me a sign to keep moving forward. I should have never physically been able to conceive, surely that is God telling me something. I'm just moving forward and praying for guidance. I would have never seen my life like this 5 years ago, but it is my life and I have to live it. Just pray that I keep the strength to do it. Sometimes I think, " Lord, what else do you think I can shoulder in my broken marriage?" I ask you all to keep me in your prayers or just positive thoughts if you don't believe in prayers. I need all the strength I can get from all sources.
Last April I saw my OB/GYN for a large cyst on my right ovary that was found on a CT scan for my chronic pancreatitis. Before I could get an appointment after the CT finding the cyst had ruptured taking my ovary with it. The ultrasound showed that my left ovary was also in my doctor's words "a mess." Further bloodwork showed that my hormones indicated that my egg count was zero. I was officially out of the baby business. Even if I wanted to go through IVF there was less than 1% chance that egg retrieval would be possible. I was great with this! My doctor acted like he was delivering bad news, but I didn't feel that way at all. I had 4 kids, they were healthy and I was thrilled with my completed family. Besides, I was not in a place in my marriage that I felt I could trust my husband enough to want to have another child.
Now here is where the story gets interesting, fast-forward to August and September when I skipped my period for no apparent reason. In August I didn't worry at all, I only have one ovary, so having a cycle every other month is perfectly normal. Then came the end of September, I started feeling awful, much like I feel sometimes with pancreatitis, just "different." You guessed it, my period never came in September either. I started getting the sinking feeling I was screwed. I was either dying of some horrible malady that I didn't know I had, or I was pregnant...crap! Welp, I'm not dying....at least not soon. Yep, as of today I am entering my 3rd trimester.
Those of you who know my story know that I had a miscarriage in the middle of my husband's affair. I had a miscarriage of a child that my husband did not want because he no longer wanted me or our children. He had found a younger, more exciting model that was his soul mate. Someone that lived in his fantasy world with him, the world of no kids, no mortgages, no stress, life was perfect in their world. This pregnancy has brought all the horrible feelings of that time back in crystal clear clarity. When I finally took that pregnancy test, it was like I was in the Summer of 2010 all over again. I never realized after 2 years and all the work I have done on myself that I could crash right back to that horrible time in an instant.
I started to feel exactly the same darkness and despair all over again, it was terrible. I should have started right then blogging again, getting it out there, talking it out. Instead, I buried myself deep in despair just like the weeks after DDay. It took me 4 months to admit to anyone except my husband that I was pregnant. I was deeply in denial, trying to protect myself. This baby didn't even seem like a real possibility until I saw her on ultrasound at 20 weeks. My husband has tried to understand my feelings, he got excited a lot quicker than I allowed myself. I was honest with him, and told him that pregnancy was probably the worst trigger of all when it came to his affair. I lived through hell that year, pure hell, and in the middle an innocent child died that I was carrying in my body. People do not always die in an affair literally, but someone died in his affair. I lost much more than my marriage, I lost a child. There is an angel baby that should have been celebrating her 2nd birthday on January 11th in my arms.
So here I am, 28 weeks pregnant, and starting over in some ways getting over his affair. I am much more vocal this time around about what my needs are, yet I'm pretty sure he just doesn't get it. I have never betrayed our vows, he can never understand. To him it is just something bad he did, that he has moved on from in his life. Some days I'm still not sure he is remorseful of the horrible things he put me through, or if the remorse is just that I caught him and nailed his ass to the wall. Some days are good and some days are bad, the bad ones are almost as bad as DDay 1,2, or 3. The interesting thing (if you can call it that) is I got pregnant almost to the day of the 1st anniversary of DDay 3. I'm trying to see it as God giving me a sign to keep moving forward. I should have never physically been able to conceive, surely that is God telling me something. I'm just moving forward and praying for guidance. I would have never seen my life like this 5 years ago, but it is my life and I have to live it. Just pray that I keep the strength to do it. Sometimes I think, " Lord, what else do you think I can shoulder in my broken marriage?" I ask you all to keep me in your prayers or just positive thoughts if you don't believe in prayers. I need all the strength I can get from all sources.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
"She" told me to get over it
About a year after Dday 1 and Dday 2, I discovered that Jennifer was still hanging onto Mr. Personality. I saw red, of course I wasn't just mad at her I was furious at my husband. He was supposed to be back in our marriage and I found out once again he was just a liar. He still just didn't "get" that an affair relationship is nothing but fiction. Affairs are not real life, there is no mortgage, no bills, no sick kids, no carpool, no homework, no stress of well REAL life. I confronted my husband about their continuing relationship; it was not as involved as it once was, but the point was they were still involved. My husband was holding on as long as she continued to dangle that carrot in front of him. He was not willing to go full on into marriage recovery until he knew she wasn't going to come back to him. She was going to continue to give him that little nugget of hope because she enjoyed the attention. As I have said in the past, she had absolutely no desire to actually leave her husband. I on the other hand , was ready to leave mine. I was done.
When I made this discovery we were actually out of town with our children, so I decided to confront Jennifer when we got home. I opened by sending her an email, basically asking her to remove herself from my marriage. I asked her to give my marriage a chance to work. She immediately called my husband, shocker she didn't take the no contact seriously. :) She apparently whined to him what a bitch I was to her. In truth my email was WAY more kind than my actual feelings for her. After a year of crap, I was no longer totally running on anger, I was just exhausted by the whole thing. He went outside to take the call, so of course I knew it was her. I gave him a few minutes and then I went outside, gave him a horrible go to H*** look, and told him to get the F*** off the phone with his whore. I was sure to make sure she heard me call her a whore, not mature but it felt good!
She immediately emailed me back and asked for my phone number so she could call me the next day. It made me nauseous, but I was ready to hit this head on. She ended up eventually emailing me again that evening. Basically, she said she had broken it off with my husband. Of course she couldn't leave it there, she had to add a few barbs. She said that my marriage was obviously already broken and it had nothing to do with his relationship with her. ( delusional much?) I was well aware of my marriages challenges, but my husband's total lack of desire to improve our marriage had everything to do with his relationship with her. Who needs to deal with real life, when he can have the "perfect" life with her? She told me basically I needed to get over the affair. She told me I needed to grow up and act like the affair never happened. Really, Jennifer, such great advice from a whore that would go after a married man while she was also married. That sent me over the edge. I quickly emailed her back. I told her that I wanted to get over it and I had every intention of either making my marriage stronger than ever or leaving and never looking back. Then I decided to share the one thing I KNEW Mr. Perfect hadn't shared with her about himself. He had cheated on his first wife too, he was a serial cheater. Basically, I told her , look sister you are not that special he has done it before. I had kept that to myself until this point. I wish I had told her that from the start, we NEVER heard from her again. LOL, she didn't like feeling like SHE wasn't the special only one.
Jennifer telling me to get over it to hurt me ending up being exactly what I needed to hear. It made me GET IN GEAR. I was ready to either make my husband be serious about our marriage recovery or move on to different things. It ended up being pretty good, he finally really started getting back into our marriage. It has now been a year since Dday 3. We are at a better place than we have been in years. Do we still have our problems, yes! Does it still hurt me, absolutely! Will I ever "get over it" totally, probably not! Love to all of you, hope life is going in the right direction for you.
Jules
When I made this discovery we were actually out of town with our children, so I decided to confront Jennifer when we got home. I opened by sending her an email, basically asking her to remove herself from my marriage. I asked her to give my marriage a chance to work. She immediately called my husband, shocker she didn't take the no contact seriously. :) She apparently whined to him what a bitch I was to her. In truth my email was WAY more kind than my actual feelings for her. After a year of crap, I was no longer totally running on anger, I was just exhausted by the whole thing. He went outside to take the call, so of course I knew it was her. I gave him a few minutes and then I went outside, gave him a horrible go to H*** look, and told him to get the F*** off the phone with his whore. I was sure to make sure she heard me call her a whore, not mature but it felt good!
She immediately emailed me back and asked for my phone number so she could call me the next day. It made me nauseous, but I was ready to hit this head on. She ended up eventually emailing me again that evening. Basically, she said she had broken it off with my husband. Of course she couldn't leave it there, she had to add a few barbs. She said that my marriage was obviously already broken and it had nothing to do with his relationship with her. ( delusional much?) I was well aware of my marriages challenges, but my husband's total lack of desire to improve our marriage had everything to do with his relationship with her. Who needs to deal with real life, when he can have the "perfect" life with her? She told me basically I needed to get over the affair. She told me I needed to grow up and act like the affair never happened. Really, Jennifer, such great advice from a whore that would go after a married man while she was also married. That sent me over the edge. I quickly emailed her back. I told her that I wanted to get over it and I had every intention of either making my marriage stronger than ever or leaving and never looking back. Then I decided to share the one thing I KNEW Mr. Perfect hadn't shared with her about himself. He had cheated on his first wife too, he was a serial cheater. Basically, I told her , look sister you are not that special he has done it before. I had kept that to myself until this point. I wish I had told her that from the start, we NEVER heard from her again. LOL, she didn't like feeling like SHE wasn't the special only one.
Jennifer telling me to get over it to hurt me ending up being exactly what I needed to hear. It made me GET IN GEAR. I was ready to either make my husband be serious about our marriage recovery or move on to different things. It ended up being pretty good, he finally really started getting back into our marriage. It has now been a year since Dday 3. We are at a better place than we have been in years. Do we still have our problems, yes! Does it still hurt me, absolutely! Will I ever "get over it" totally, probably not! Love to all of you, hope life is going in the right direction for you.
Jules
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Summertime equals Triggertime
Greetings everyone,
I'm sorry I have been so absent, but summertime with 4 kids is crazy busy. There has been Church camp, theme parks, picnics, and zoo visits galore. We have been having fun, fun, fun, but as most of you know the affair sadness can seep into the most innocent moments.
Summer has been hard the last two years post affair, because of how horrible the summer I outed him was for me. The summer my husband's affair hit it's peak was one of the most horrific times of my life. I was suspicious of my husband having an affair, but I was still searching for a way to prove it. My first real breakthrough that summer was at WDW on a family vacation when I caught him texting back and forth with her like a teenage girl. He was downright giddy when he was texting her. It made me sick. The day I caught him, was also the day I started miscarrying our 5th child. It was a physically and emotionally devastating time. The date was May 25, 2010. I have made it through that anniversary. Now I just keep trudging ahead through the rest of them.
Father's Day was the second real trigger for me. That Sunday morning he told me he didn't care if it made me mad, he didn't want to go to Church with us. I cried through Church that morning because they were honoring the Fathers and having their kids stand up with them. My kids had no one to stand with, their Dad was at home writing poetry to his girlfriend and talking to her on the phone. When we got home he said he had to go out into the field to "work" , but really he just took a drive so they could have phone sex. I later read an email he sent his girlfriend the next day, he told her that the "special" phone call the day before had saved his HORRIBLE weekend. You see he spent the whole weekend with his hideous wife and his 4 kids, Lord how horrible for him, he was such a sad, sad victim.
Next up is July 4th, the email that absolutely broke my heart. He was telling her he couldn't believe I was making him go with us to visit my family. He told her one day they would enjoy their holidays together and she could do anything she wanted. The heartbreaking part to me was the fact that previous to that July 4th, we had ALWAYS done what HE wanted on July 4th. We went to my Family's home that year so I could attend a funeral. The funeral of one of my very favorite Aunts. The last living sibling of my Grandmother that I had lost years before. It broke me in two to read his hateful words. He basically said he hated me and my family, that he couldn't wait until she was his family. Shortly after the 4th is July 16th...yay another horrible memory. That was the weekend we went away together that she was so pissed that he was with me. I have written about that before. It is the reason I have a hard time going anywhere with him. I always wonder in the back of my mind if he is calling and texting her behind my back. I wonder if he would rather be spending his weekend away with HER.
The end of August is when I first found proof of his affair. Of course he LIED, LIED , LIED to me about the extent of their relationship at that time He promised to end it at that time and go no contact. Of course, that was just one of a million lies he told since DDay one. Next was DDay two at the end of September where I found his stash of emails and writings. That totally blew his "we are just really close friends" lie out of the water. The dates go on and on until July 30, 2011. The day he told me he was 'trying' to be in love with me. The day I found all the pictures of his "memories" of her on his computer. The day he admitted he had bought her a Christmas gift the Christmas of 2010. The day I really consider DDay 3. It was really the day he admitted he had been lying to me for almost a year about his commitment to me and our marriage. Summer should be a great time for us as a family because all our kids are home to spend time together. Instead, I just try to push through the pain.
Love and Hugs,
Jules
I'm sorry I have been so absent, but summertime with 4 kids is crazy busy. There has been Church camp, theme parks, picnics, and zoo visits galore. We have been having fun, fun, fun, but as most of you know the affair sadness can seep into the most innocent moments.
Summer has been hard the last two years post affair, because of how horrible the summer I outed him was for me. The summer my husband's affair hit it's peak was one of the most horrific times of my life. I was suspicious of my husband having an affair, but I was still searching for a way to prove it. My first real breakthrough that summer was at WDW on a family vacation when I caught him texting back and forth with her like a teenage girl. He was downright giddy when he was texting her. It made me sick. The day I caught him, was also the day I started miscarrying our 5th child. It was a physically and emotionally devastating time. The date was May 25, 2010. I have made it through that anniversary. Now I just keep trudging ahead through the rest of them.
Father's Day was the second real trigger for me. That Sunday morning he told me he didn't care if it made me mad, he didn't want to go to Church with us. I cried through Church that morning because they were honoring the Fathers and having their kids stand up with them. My kids had no one to stand with, their Dad was at home writing poetry to his girlfriend and talking to her on the phone. When we got home he said he had to go out into the field to "work" , but really he just took a drive so they could have phone sex. I later read an email he sent his girlfriend the next day, he told her that the "special" phone call the day before had saved his HORRIBLE weekend. You see he spent the whole weekend with his hideous wife and his 4 kids, Lord how horrible for him, he was such a sad, sad victim.
Next up is July 4th, the email that absolutely broke my heart. He was telling her he couldn't believe I was making him go with us to visit my family. He told her one day they would enjoy their holidays together and she could do anything she wanted. The heartbreaking part to me was the fact that previous to that July 4th, we had ALWAYS done what HE wanted on July 4th. We went to my Family's home that year so I could attend a funeral. The funeral of one of my very favorite Aunts. The last living sibling of my Grandmother that I had lost years before. It broke me in two to read his hateful words. He basically said he hated me and my family, that he couldn't wait until she was his family. Shortly after the 4th is July 16th...yay another horrible memory. That was the weekend we went away together that she was so pissed that he was with me. I have written about that before. It is the reason I have a hard time going anywhere with him. I always wonder in the back of my mind if he is calling and texting her behind my back. I wonder if he would rather be spending his weekend away with HER.
The end of August is when I first found proof of his affair. Of course he LIED, LIED , LIED to me about the extent of their relationship at that time He promised to end it at that time and go no contact. Of course, that was just one of a million lies he told since DDay one. Next was DDay two at the end of September where I found his stash of emails and writings. That totally blew his "we are just really close friends" lie out of the water. The dates go on and on until July 30, 2011. The day he told me he was 'trying' to be in love with me. The day I found all the pictures of his "memories" of her on his computer. The day he admitted he had bought her a Christmas gift the Christmas of 2010. The day I really consider DDay 3. It was really the day he admitted he had been lying to me for almost a year about his commitment to me and our marriage. Summer should be a great time for us as a family because all our kids are home to spend time together. Instead, I just try to push through the pain.
Love and Hugs,
Jules
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