I am not loved like I deserve. My husband does not look at me and tell me he can't live without me. I do not have that kind of love. I truthfully think that someone that has been faithful, birthed your four children, been supportive of your insane job change, and dealt with your midlife crisis, deserves the best love has to offer. What I get is nothing like that, I get leftovers. He was totally obsessed with his affair partner...sometimes I think he still is obsessed with her. He wrote her love letters..never sent ONE to me. He told her he would love her forever and NEVER give up on "them".... never said that to me. He bought her and her children gifts.....until this year he never purchased a gift for our children and well his gifts to me are always impersonal. For my birthday the year he was in the middle of the affair he gave me a portable computer desk. Oh be still my beating heart. He gave her a love letter and a picture of Scarlett and Rhett because theirs too was a love that would last forever. The picture was a movie still that I had given HIM! Jerk!!
I never feel beautiful or loved. Am I wrong to feel like I deserve that from my husband? The only true love I feel like I get is from my kids. My 5 year old regularly tells me I am beautiful. Not the same, but it makes me smile. I want to be the most beautiful woman in the world to someone. It hurts my heart that the someone is not my husband. Sorry, I am negative today. Sometimes the hurt just gets to me. The unfair aspect of an affair can just sneak up on you from everywhere.
Love to anyone out there feeling this hurt. I am sorry.
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