The summer of 2010 was BAD. I knew something was very wrong with my husband, I just couldn't exactly put my finger on it. I had suspicions and I knew her name. My husband had found a job closer to home at the end of 2008 after working a year on an off shore oil platform. After I survived a year of 2weeks on-2weeks off, I thought our marriage was solid. I thought I had proven my devotion to him and our family. He had a midlife crisis and changed his career of 20 years to work on a platform. I felt like I was abandoned, yet I kept going. Almost as soon as he started the new job, he started changing in little ways. The most noticeable was how he seemed to separate his life into two categories, his life in his work town and life in his home town. He seemed pretty strong about keeping me and the kids at arms length when it came to introducing us to his new "people." At his office Christmas party in 2009, I got hit with the why. He introduced me to HER and warning bells started ringing in my head. She was his new interest...his new "pet project."
As that Summer progressed Mr. Personality kept getting more angry, hostile, and cruel. Mainly towards me, but he also often lashed out at our children for little or no reason. I was deeply depressed and trying desperately to make it right. I just had NO IDEA how. One week in June he refused to say " I love you" to me because we had a blowup over our failing sex life. I kept pushing him and one day he told me he was coming home early "to talk." I was really a basket case, I was sure he was divorcing me and going to "her." The talk was nothing like that, although I asked him straight out if he wanted a divorce and if he even cared for me. He basically just outlined all the ways I was a failure to him in marriage and how HE felt. I, like an IDIOT, just took it. The depression I was suffering at his hand, made me think everything WAS my fault. Now I see more clearly that he was blame-shifting to make himself feel better. I was equally responsible for our marital problems, but the difference was I saw myself as having some of the fault. He in true Mr. Personality fashion saw that it was always the other persons fault.
Fast forward to August and I started getting sick. Not a cold, but major illness kind of sick. I started losing massive amounts of weight, I had upper abdominal pain ALL THE TIME, and I had no energy AT ALL. Finally, I found a doctor that started testing me for EVERYTHING he could think it might be. Unfortunately one lab came back with the possible markers of Pancreatic Cancer. I was TERRIFIED. My husband really seemed to could care less. One appointment for a test, I was so scared. Instead of offering to go and support me he said "maybe your Dad can go with you." I was finally scheduled for an MRI and I asked Mr. P to go with me. The test was on Monday, I asked him the Thursday before the test. Monday morning, he had TOTALLY forgotten his promise to go with me. I found out later why he was so forgetful about my crisis. Praise the Lord, the MRI showed I had Pancreatitis, not cancer. I was one sick lady, but I wasn't going to leave my babies without a Mom.
Next up the papers that changed it all for me.
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