Well yesterday was my Birthday. As many days post affair...it kinda sucked. It is just a reminder to me that I am aging and my husband had an affair with a younger woman. His half- hearted attempts to make my birthday nice failed. He got me a cake, flowers and a gift the day before, but I think I am just still too scarred. Yesterday, he really just did nothing to make me feel special. I mean, I even cooked dinner just like EVERY. OTHER. NIGHT. Would it have killed him to cook dinner FOR ME for once? Anyway, I digress. I do have an actual reason behind my post today. :)
I had something happen last night that made start to wonder if the affair will ever fade to the background and stay there? My son was telling a funny story at dinner last night about a pretty personal issue that I had saved him from after church camp. It was the Summer of 2010 when my husband was in the big, fat middle of his affair. The story was hilarious and I was just listening to it and I wasn't really thinking about when it occurred, I wasn't thinking about the affair at all. Then.... my husband asked " where in the world was I, why was your Mother the one saving you?" Then it hit me... he wasn't there because he was with HER. I know for a fact because of their emails that they were together this particular night. My Son just looked at him and said, I have no idea, you were never there that summer, I guess you were at work. I think at that moment it dawned on him where he was during this little scene in life. I just looked at him and cocked my eyebrow. He knew that at that moment I was remembering EXACTLY where he was that night.
It is sad to me that the most innocent things slap the affair into my face. It just brought it all back to the surface for me last night. As always it made me very emotional. I started throwing myself a pity party.... basically my husband cheated on me and my birthday sucks....poor me. I know, not pretty! I am pretty much over it today, but it does bring up the question. Will I every be safe from this affair hitting me in the face?"
God Bless you guys. May He guide us all through this mine field.
I'm so sorry your birthday wasn't everything it could have been. I know the feeling very well.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, those triggers that slap you in the face when you least expect it... rough. I am there right now. My coach says that one day the triggers won't have the sting that they do now. I also wonder if that day will ever come...
Hang in there. You are a beautiful woman and becoming stronger and more beautiful every day.
DJ
DJ,
ReplyDeleteYou are so sweet to me...I was being a whiney brat here for sure. But, you know what? Some days just stink! I am hanging on, you do the same! I pray that your coach is right and the slaps will stop stinging so much eventually. They certainly come out of no where sometimes!