It is that time of year. The time when you cannot go into ANY store without seeing hearts, candies, and flowers proclaiming I Love You! Blah! I have never really liked Valentine's Day. It just seems like a way for corporations to make money. The only store I would want to help would be a hometown florist. I am all about helping small business. Otherwise, just blah to Valentine's Day.
Now as a betrayed spouse, I really HATE this time of year. This is my second V-Day post D-Day. It just triggers me right and left. Last year my husband lied to me on V-Day. I just never got him to admit he lied because I am almost positive he bought her a gift. He was supposed to be No Contact with his affair partner at this time...but you all know how that goes. Mr. Romance gave me the receipt from my valentine's gift because he bought it with our joint checking debit card. On it was an extra amount of cash back. Normally, not a big deal, but it was a big deal on Valentine's Day. When I asked about it, he said he went to lunch that day at a certain restaurant downtown that only took cash. He was supposedly with a man that he worked with in his office.
Fast-forward two days when he starts telling me a story about going to eat at this new place on Valentine's Day with his male co-worker. He goes into GREAT detail about this new place. You know, so many details that it really seems like he is trying to cover up something. I didn't even say anything. I just gave him a look that told him I knew he was betraying me yet again. I am not stupid, it is about time he figured that out. I am hyper sensitive to his lies, I don't fall for anything anymore. I'm not sure if he took her out to lunch "as friends" or if he bought her a gift last year. I am sure that the extra money involved her. He proved it by being sure to tell me the elaborate story about lunch when I didn't ask. It is called distraction, honey, and I don't buy it.
He was (maybe is) so obsessed with how perfect he feels their relationship was during the affair. He was so deep in the fog that he couldn't see what was reality. I know from the emails between them that their relationship was very unhealthy. ( aside from the fact that it was infidelity and WRONG even) She constantly pushed him away and was super moody. Crazy mood swings, like manic episodes. Yet he begged her back time and time again. Told her things like he couldn't live without her. They both talked about suicide. Craziness that I just don't understand. He accepted behavior from her that was really over the top, yet during that time he would take offense to EVERYTHING I did. He lied about me to her. It just showed me that he lied to her as much as he lied to me, but he was kind to her. He was hideously cruel to me and our children.
I know this post is all over the place, but today is just a huge trigger. A trigger to relive that pain and make it feel new all over again. God Bless all of you, Happy Valentine's Day...LOL
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