She broke "the code"

I have never down played my husband's fault in the affair. He was in NO way a victim here. He made his choice to have an affair rather than work on a decade old marriage. A marriage that had produced 4 healthy children. A marriage that had involved vows before God. He chose the affair. I will never understand that choice, I don't believe I am capable of understanding that choice. No matter how bad our marriage had gotten or how unhappy I was, I am incapable of making the decision to cheat.

Which brings me to the other woman. She was not the "type" of woman I would expect to be an affair partner. She wasn't a single, lonely, well streetwalker. She certainly wasn't a prostitute with a heart of gold (Pretty Woman ..haha). She was a married woman with 2 beautiful young children. This made me more angry than anything. She basically was me in a different body. How could she be so selfish to put her marriage and children in jeopardy just for her own "happiness." Did she even think about how many lives she was going to destroy in her search for happiness? She played the poor poor me card to my husband more times than I can count. Her life was harder and more stressful than anyone else' life. Her marriage of course was more unhappy and she had to wear a "mask" around everyone everyday. No one understood how bad her life was and she could only talk to my husband because only he understood. I wonder if my husband's large paycheck had anything to do with that understanding in her eyes? ...just a thought

As a married woman that is busy raising kids and running a house and working and doing a million other things, you expect other women in your place holding you up and supporting you. You feel like you are all in the same club. I try to support all the other wives and moms I know. It is two of the hardest jobs you will ever have in life. You shouldn't have to worry about the wife down the hall from your husband's office taking a shine to him. You are in the same club...right?

Why do I stay?

This is question is one that has been asked a few times via email. I appreciate that some of you are reading my blog and getting something out of it, even if you are afraid to follow publicly. I understand that my material is not something that you may want to advertise that it interests you. A lot of people going through affair recovery are ashamed. I'm not saying that any victims of infidelity have any reason to be ashamed, but I definitely understand the shame. I have felt it and still feel it on occasion. OK back to the question....

I stay for many reasons. Here are just a few I can think of at this moment. First, I believe in marriage. I believe that when you take the vows, you do it before God and it is not something to take lightly. Second, I love him. Some days I have no idea why, but I do love him. Third, I don't want him to lose his children. I KNOW I can raise my children alone, but I don't want them to be angry with him. They are smart kids, they would know that something bad was involved in our breakup. My children need both of us IF we can have a healthy relationship.

All that being said, there are days that I have NO IDEA why I stick around. I have chronic pancreatitis. It is no fun and some days are just pain and fatigue. Those are days that I just don't feel like fighting for my marriage. It is too hard and I am too tired. Truthfully, I'm not sure anyone that is in affair recovery can point to one reason they stay and work it out. I can definitely see that MANY reasons to just pack up and leave.