About a year after Dday 1 and Dday 2, I discovered that Jennifer was still hanging onto Mr. Personality. I saw red, of course I wasn't just mad at her I was furious at my husband. He was supposed to be back in our marriage and I found out once again he was just a liar. He still just didn't "get" that an affair relationship is nothing but fiction. Affairs are not real life, there is no mortgage, no bills, no sick kids, no carpool, no homework, no stress of well REAL life. I confronted my husband about their continuing relationship; it was not as involved as it once was, but the point was they were still involved. My husband was holding on as long as she continued to dangle that carrot in front of him. He was not willing to go full on into marriage recovery until he knew she wasn't going to come back to him. She was going to continue to give him that little nugget of hope because she enjoyed the attention. As I have said in the past, she had absolutely no desire to actually leave her husband. I on the other hand , was ready to leave mine. I was done.
When I made this discovery we were actually out of town with our children, so I decided to confront Jennifer when we got home. I opened by sending her an email, basically asking her to remove herself from my marriage. I asked her to give my marriage a chance to work. She immediately called my husband, shocker she didn't take the no contact seriously. :) She apparently whined to him what a bitch I was to her. In truth my email was WAY more kind than my actual feelings for her. After a year of crap, I was no longer totally running on anger, I was just exhausted by the whole thing. He went outside to take the call, so of course I knew it was her. I gave him a few minutes and then I went outside, gave him a horrible go to H*** look, and told him to get the F*** off the phone with his whore. I was sure to make sure she heard me call her a whore, not mature but it felt good!
She immediately emailed me back and asked for my phone number so she could call me the next day. It made me nauseous, but I was ready to hit this head on. She ended up eventually emailing me again that evening. Basically, she said she had broken it off with my husband. Of course she couldn't leave it there, she had to add a few barbs. She said that my marriage was obviously already broken and it had nothing to do with his relationship with her. ( delusional much?) I was well aware of my marriages challenges, but my husband's total lack of desire to improve our marriage had everything to do with his relationship with her. Who needs to deal with real life, when he can have the "perfect" life with her? She told me basically I needed to get over the affair. She told me I needed to grow up and act like the affair never happened. Really, Jennifer, such great advice from a whore that would go after a married man while she was also married. That sent me over the edge. I quickly emailed her back. I told her that I wanted to get over it and I had every intention of either making my marriage stronger than ever or leaving and never looking back. Then I decided to share the one thing I KNEW Mr. Perfect hadn't shared with her about himself. He had cheated on his first wife too, he was a serial cheater. Basically, I told her , look sister you are not that special he has done it before. I had kept that to myself until this point. I wish I had told her that from the start, we NEVER heard from her again. LOL, she didn't like feeling like SHE wasn't the special only one.
Jennifer telling me to get over it to hurt me ending up being exactly what I needed to hear. It made me GET IN GEAR. I was ready to either make my husband be serious about our marriage recovery or move on to different things. It ended up being pretty good, he finally really started getting back into our marriage. It has now been a year since Dday 3. We are at a better place than we have been in years. Do we still have our problems, yes! Does it still hurt me, absolutely! Will I ever "get over it" totally, probably not! Love to all of you, hope life is going in the right direction for you.
Jules
