Why do I stay?

This is question is one that has been asked a few times via email. I appreciate that some of you are reading my blog and getting something out of it, even if you are afraid to follow publicly. I understand that my material is not something that you may want to advertise that it interests you. A lot of people going through affair recovery are ashamed. I'm not saying that any victims of infidelity have any reason to be ashamed, but I definitely understand the shame. I have felt it and still feel it on occasion. OK back to the question....

I stay for many reasons. Here are just a few I can think of at this moment. First, I believe in marriage. I believe that when you take the vows, you do it before God and it is not something to take lightly. Second, I love him. Some days I have no idea why, but I do love him. Third, I don't want him to lose his children. I KNOW I can raise my children alone, but I don't want them to be angry with him. They are smart kids, they would know that something bad was involved in our breakup. My children need both of us IF we can have a healthy relationship.

All that being said, there are days that I have NO IDEA why I stick around. I have chronic pancreatitis. It is no fun and some days are just pain and fatigue. Those are days that I just don't feel like fighting for my marriage. It is too hard and I am too tired. Truthfully, I'm not sure anyone that is in affair recovery can point to one reason they stay and work it out. I can definitely see that MANY reasons to just pack up and leave.