Do you tell anyone?

I have struggled with this question over and over again. I visited my Best Friend about 4 months post D-Day and I had a horrible visit. I felt like I had to hide something from her, so I pulled back from her. I have always shared everything with her and I knew if I got too close to her on the visit she would KNOW I was in distress. We know each other so well, I felt like a fraud hiding it from her.

Mr. Personality yelled at me one night because he thought I had told my family. In truth I had not told my family a word. He on the other hand had told his two faced backstabbing sister who not only condoned the affair but wanted to meet Mrs. Cheatsalot. She also was quick to tell EVERYONE in Mr. P's family. She thought they would be as vicious as herself and band around Mr. P. like I deserved the affair or something. She likes gossip and malice that much...classy. It backfired on her. His siblings started calling me and supporting ME instead of him. One of his older brothers sat next to me at the kids' football game and just put his arm around me while I had tears streaming down my face. Mr. P was " at work" during that game and his brother came to support the kids and me. All he said to me was " he is stupid, fight for you marriage he has no idea what he has to lose." That is all he said. He just sat there in silence the rest of the time. He simply wanted me to know that he knew and he DIDN"T CONDONE what his brother was doing to me.

My husband is the baby of 8 children his siblings for the most part still coddle him like he is the baby. He really has the mentality a lot of the time that what he does is always acceptable and if he does something unacceptable it the fault of someone else somehow. The affair for him in his mind was justified because he was unhappy. Sometimes to this day I think he feels like he was justified because I wasn't what he needed or wanted at that moment. Sometimes I fantasize that he finally "gets" that the affair was his fault and his alone. I have owned up to my part in our marital problems, but those problems in NO WAY made an affair justified. I was not happy with him, but giving what belonged to him to another man would never have been acceptable to me.

My sister figured out what was going on, so I did open up to her a little. My husband of course was furious and didn't believe that I didn't actually have to "tell" her anything. To me it wasn't something I really wanted to share, not to protect him but to protect my own heart. I felt like a fool that I had this happen to me and I didn't just walk out the door when I found out. I gave my sister the emails for safe keeping in case I needed them for a divorce. I told her to read them if she wanted. I have never seen a person so furious. If I had let her she would have caused him bodily harm. It made me feel a little bit better, I admit it. I felt like at least someone thought I didn't deserve this pain.

To this day, my sister is the one person I have told. My husband's entire family and probably some friends know thanks to my SIL. I call it selective telling, my husband was fine sharing with people he saw as on "his side." Some days I think it is time to tell my close friends. I think I deserve to have someone on "my side."