We are settling into our new life in Oklahoma. I miss my friends and family terribly, but we are all adjusting. It has been just over a year since D-Day one and today is the 1 year anniversary of D-day two. I am battling Strep Throat so my mind has luckily been on other matters today. I will not sugar-coat it.... I.struggle.every.single.day. This is the anniversary of finding all the emails that pretty much blew his "we are just close friends" out of the water.
I struggle every day with the feeling I am his second choice. The mother of his 4 children, the supportive, FAITHFUL wife is 2nd place. It is a bitter feeling I have in me. After the discovery of the emails in September 2010, there were other HARSH discoveries that no wife (or husband) should ever endure. While we were in "recovery" between Sept 2010 and March 2011 I was sure to send him pictures of his children and myself while he was away on business trips. My way of staying close to him and including him while he was far away. I should have known the jerk wouldn't appreciate it. In March 2011, I start looking through his pictures on his blackberry. Not a single picture of me, a couple of the kids I sent him, and DOZENS of pictures she had sent him AFTER the "no contact" was put in place. I was literally falling to the floor in anguish. I am not a very dramatic person ( not at all really), but this discovery literally knocked me to my knees. I weep just thinking of this night. I felt like such an idiot. I trusted him and he proved once again he can't be trusted.
He was literally sweating when I confronted him. He knew he was wrong, he knew I had every right to be devastated. I told him it was either a real no contact this time or I was leaving. This was all I could handle. This.was.it. He was to tell her there was to be ABSOLUTELY NO CONTACT of any kind, work related or not. I also wanted him to have her contact me stating she understood what no contact meant. She sent me a rude condescending email saying she understood "my" definition of no contact. I sent her a rude one back stating I was pretty sure no contact means the same thing no matter how you put it. It means NO CONTACT! I knew she didn't take it seriously. She was enjoying my torment. She enjoyed her little game. She had no plans of actually leaving her husband for mine, but his attention made her feel good about her miserable, deceptive self. I was going to wait and see if my husband was finally going to get his head out of his b**t. I knew at that moment, it will take YEARS for me to ever trust him again. He just keeps proving that he doesn't deserve me or his children. No one deserves an affair. There is no one on earth that deserves what I have been through, except maybe Mr. Personality and his slut. I am trying to let go of the anger, but there are some days I daydream about her husband dumping her for an affair partner. He is another person that does not deserve what they were dealt in the marriage dept.
Until the next time, I pray for everyone that is going through this crap. There is a web forum that I have found very healing. www.survivinginfidelity.com .....God Bless you guys.
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